Funeral/Wisconsin

Last week Stephanie's Aunt Jackie passed away. This was her dad's (step-dad technically) twin brother's wife. The passing was somewhat expected...she's been sick for a long time...but nobody really knew it was coming so soon. So we took a quick family trip to Madison over the weekend for the funeral.

First the good stuff...I got to meet a lot of the family that I hadn't yet. I met Steph's other 2 brothers and their families, her grandma, and Charlotte & Bob. All were wonderful and friendly and such, and I'm glad I got to meet them all finally. They all thanked me for updating the cancer blog and it really sank in for me how important that had been to people I had never met. I also got to experience some important Madison stuff...we drove by Steph's childhood home and high school and went to a Friday Night Fish Fry (it's capitalized when Steph says it...). We (the kids & I at least) were only there 40 or so hours, but we got a LOT in during that time.

The funeral itself was quite surreal.
First, it was a Catholic service. Having been raised Catholic, and having been an altar boy for years (no, I was not molested), I have been to more than my share of Catholic funerals. That was always from a perspective of an insider participant. This was the first one I've been to since I left the Catholic church. Aside from 1 wedding, I have not been to a Catholic mass since 1998. The ritual of it has all changed for me. I know all of the appropriate audience answers, I know the sing-songy responses to all of the prayers, and I know almost all of the songs. But I can't participate. I don't believe it anymore, and I don't want to cheapen it for those that do, so I can't just act clueless and play along. I know what it means and I've chosen to allow my beliefs to go in a different direction. That makes for an awkward service.

The other thing that got me this weekend was the fact that Stephanie is alive. Jackie's husband had 45 years of marriage with her. Sitting at a funeral for someone who had that kind of love for that long, it really sank in for me how close I came to losing Stephanie prematurely. I cried at the funeral of a woman I had never met. Not out of sadness, but out of relief and the realization that I was going to get to live that kind of complete, loving life with my wife.

When it's our time to die, we will be judged by the love we gave and the love we received. I am overwhelmed with relief that I get to continue building that kind of bond with Stephanie.