Saturday, December 29, 2007


It's my favorite time of year. I don't dislike Christmas at all, but there's a psychic sigh of relief when it's over and expectations have been met and presents exchanged for one more year. I like this hangover period, when there's time to think about the last year and look forward to the next.

The year started in Los Angeles. I had never been to California before, but considering I was still sharing an apartment with a girl who spent most of 2006 getting up the nerve to dump me I decided I really needed to be away from Denver to ring in the new year. The Flaming Lips were doing a big New Year's show in LA with Gnarles Barkley, so I was there. I went alone. As 2006 was closing the Lips played the perfect song to end a crap year: "Suddenly, Everything has Changed." I was so happy to have the year behind me that it brought tears to my eyes, thinking the next year might be different.

Wow, has it been different. I fell in love (for real this time), got engaged, got married, became a stepdad, got a new car, a new job...just about everything a person could ask to come up roses has done so for me this year. It's been an amazing ride. The change in where I was a year ago versus what I have now is indescribable. (Which is why I feel a blog post attempting to describe it is necessary I guess...or something.)

I thought I had more to say, but words are really failing me thinking about all of this. Stephanie and the kids (and Arlo) have allowed me into their lives and it has filled up my heart with happy. A guy really couldn't ask for much more than has fallen into my lap over the last year. Yeah, sure, there's this little health issue currently impeding absolute 24/7 crazy ecstaticness, but that will be kicked in 2008. For 2007 I am immensely thankful for the incredible net happy gain.

On to 2008, and all of the adventures and good times to be found there!

Monday, December 24, 2007

Christmas Eve 2007!

Last Christmas was...less than stellar for reasons I don't even want to think about any more. If you had told me then the happiness that would be entering my life in the following 365 days I never would have believed it. I hardly believe it even now. It's very exciting to be able to share this time with people I love this much.

Monday, December 17, 2007


Last Friday was the Christmas program at The Wooden Shoe. K2, being 3, was all excited to be in it. K1, being 6, didn't get to participate due to his big-kid kindergarten status. They let him wander down with Stephanie and my parents and I to watch though, so he got to see his sister perform her heart out.

They have this thing down pretty well. The kids were all on stage at once, but the lines were rotated in a snake-like fashion between every song, so no matter where you were sitting you'd get to see your kid at some point. There were 3-4 designated kids in front for each song, so everybody got a shot at being front and center (with mixed results). K2 was up front for the final song, Santa Clause is Coming to Town, which culminated in Santa Clause showing up. This was met by mixed reactions from the kids. He's not clown-scary, but I guess he can be pretty freaky in the right light maybe. And if you've been naughty it might be like having your parole officer show up at your bachelor party. But I digress. It was cute, and we have a natural performer on our hands, as evidenced here:

A related amusing moment occurred this morning. We got to the school and one of the office ladies up front started congratulating K1 on his AMAZING performance at the program and how LOUDLY he sang and Wow, you were Just SO Great!!! I'm sure she was giving this speech to every other kid who walked in the door, but seeing as how he hadn't sung in the program he was plenty confused. He asked, once we were out of earshot, "Why did she think I was my sister?" Oops! Kids see through fakeness! Ah well, the moment passed quickly.

sticky goo(gle)

I love my Google. I have my Gmail, I do this on Blogger, and I look *something* up on Google for actual work-related purposes at least 4-5 times a day. I don't like other search engines, no matter how fun their commercials are.

Last week I got a virus on my work computer. All that it did was hijack my Google. Somebody evil must have thought that one up. The searches looked fine, but clicking a link redirected to something unrelated ( cancer link sent me to a Neulasta ad...) It took my tech support friends a couple hours to make it go away. I was holding my breath for my continued access to Google searches, but luckily they pulled through and I can Google my heart out. All is right with the world. (At least on my computer :-P )

Thursday, December 13, 2007

No vacancy

Never before has my brain been so absolutely stuffed full of things. I've been neglecting this blog largely out of a complete lack of a place to start.

We continue to receive amazing support from most people in our lives through the starting of chemo. (If you're reading this you're not one of the people who hasn't been supportive...some people at my work have lost my respect though.) It's been hard on Steph and I'm learning to ask for, and accept, help when it is needed. I am still at times trying to figure out my place in this. Two short months ago I was technically (legally) single. Since October 20 I've been adjusting to:

1) living with a (3 actually) new person(s) for the 1st time
2) being married
3) being a father
4) owning a dog
5) supporting my wife in her new job
6) starting a new job of my own
7) cancer/chemo/post-op care
8) getting to know my new in-laws
9) trying to get my stuff out of the old apartment.

There's a lot of adjustment and adaptation going on in my life and in my head. This is an undeniable fact. I just can't figure out how I want people to feel about this. It's nice when people acknowledge that this is hard on me, but I don't like to feel like they think it's too much for me and I can't handle it. At the same time I feel like I'm doing my best to cope and get through the days doing the best I can, but it's sometimes uncomfortable to be told that I'm doing a great job, or to have it suggested that a lesser person might not be doing the things I am. Yes, I am doing everything that I know how to make life as happy as possible for my new family and to keep us all sane and happy, but what kind of person wouldn't?

The traditional vows (which we didn't actually get to say yet) are "in sickness and in health." All that's going on here is that we have hit the Sickness portion of the program right out of the gate, and we'll get to enjoy the Health bit later. That's kind of how I see it, and what I'm doing just doesn't seem all that special to me. Hard at times, absolutely, but I wouldn't want to know any man who would fail to at least try do the same things for his own family.

Reading over this I realize it sounds kind of...annoyed. That's not really the case. If people want to think I'm special, great! It just makes me wonder if there is a type of person out there who would seriously abandon his wife and/or kids because of something like this. I guess it does happen, but how could you live with yourself afterward?

On a lighter note, K2 has her Christmas program at school tomorrow. It should be adorable, and I will hopefully get video of it to post. Hooray!