Never before has my brain been so absolutely stuffed full of things. I've been neglecting this blog largely out of a complete lack of a place to start.
We continue to receive amazing support from most people in our lives through the starting of chemo. (If you're reading this you're not one of the people who hasn't been supportive...some people at my work have lost my respect though.) It's been hard on Steph and I'm learning to ask for, and accept, help when it is needed. I am still at times trying to figure out my place in this. Two short months ago I was technically (legally) single. Since October 20 I've been adjusting to:
1) living with a (3 actually) new person(s) for the 1st time
2) being married
3) being a father
4) owning a dog
5) supporting my wife in her new job
6) starting a new job of my own
7) cancer/chemo/post-op care
8) getting to know my new in-laws
9) trying to get my stuff out of the old apartment.
There's a lot of adjustment and adaptation going on in my life and in my head. This is an undeniable fact. I just can't figure out how I want people to feel about this. It's nice when people acknowledge that this is hard on me, but I don't like to feel like they think it's too much for me and I can't handle it. At the same time I feel like I'm doing my best to cope and get through the days doing the best I can, but it's sometimes uncomfortable to be told that I'm doing a great job, or to have it suggested that a lesser person might not be doing the things I am. Yes, I am doing everything that I know how to make life as happy as possible for my new family and to keep us all sane and happy, but what kind of person wouldn't?
The traditional vows (which we didn't actually get to say yet) are "in sickness and in health." All that's going on here is that we have hit the Sickness portion of the program right out of the gate, and we'll get to enjoy the Health bit later. That's kind of how I see it, and what I'm doing just doesn't seem all that special to me. Hard at times, absolutely, but I wouldn't want to know any man who would fail to at least try do the same things for his own family.
Reading over this I realize it sounds kind of...annoyed. That's not really the case. If people want to think I'm special, great! It just makes me wonder if there is a type of person out there who would seriously abandon his wife and/or kids because of something like this. I guess it does happen, but how could you live with yourself afterward?
On a lighter note, K2 has her Christmas program at school tomorrow. It should be adorable, and I will hopefully get video of it to post. Hooray!
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2 comments:
Sadly, I know of more than several instances where family members are nowhere near as supportive as you.
I would venture to say that most of the people that truly know YOU are not surprised at how you are handling your new life. You always do rise to the occasion and do it admirably.
Yes, that is the type of person you are and you (and we) would not expect anything less. In a way, you're providing validation that yes, you ARE a good person and yes, this IS how a responsible partner/man/spouse acts.
And sometimes the admiration just leaks thru and friends feel compelled to acknowledge what they see. Face it, you have become a life juggler extraordinaire while still realizing that you need to ask for help.
Anyway, end of heavy thought sharing pontification.
Might have a couple of hours to spare tomorrow depending on what happens with my 'new' job. Will give you a call in the morning.
Happy Weekend!
All that I can say it try to take one day at a time! Remember to breath!~
Wish you all the luck! If there is anything we can do for you or your family please let me know!
Sending love,
Greg and Anissa
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