Can't sleep. We just watched Hereafter...definitely one of those movies designed to make you think. Spoilers follow if you don't know the general gist of the movie.
One of the main characters is a kid, maybe 9 or 10 years old, who loses his twin brother in an accident. He becomes convinced after his brother's death that if he can just talk to him one more time he'll feel better. I remember that feeling. Rebecca died when I was about that age. She was 6 months old. I spent many years coming to terms with the fact that the time we had with her when she was alive was all I was going to get. There's no going back, no redoing things, no final conversation once someone is gone. The experience is over and all you have left are the memories, whether good, bad, regretful, joyful...some endings are final. The choices you make day to day have to be the choices you would be comfortable with if your loved one died tomorrow.
Another thing on my mind triggered by movie-watching...if you know where things end, you can use that to make the present a better place. As the Flaming Lips say "Realize the sun doesn't go down / it's just an illusion caused be the world / spinning round." Life is cyclical. Some cycles last a lifetime and end when you pass the world on to your kids. Others last only a day, starting over when you wake up tomorrow. Embrace where you've been, and use it to inform where you're going, but don't dwell on something which has ended. You've moved on to a new cycle. Who knows how long this one will last? "Realize that life goes fast / It's hard to make the good things last."
Friday, May 6, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Random thoughts on Bin Laden's Death
Do Sasha and Malia have to go to school tomorrow? "Please excuse my daughters from class today. Their father was up late announcing the death of an international terrorist and they didn't get to bed until late in the evening."
One of the clues that led to the identification of this "palace" as Osama's hiding place was that it was a million+ dollar home with 12 foot high walls and no internet or phone lines. Welcome to the 21st century...NOT being connected is more suspicious than being online. In Pakistan.
Obama is a badass. He completely put his presidency on the line with this. Authorizing ground forces to go into a friendly country (even with Pakistan's permission) could have destroyed his administration if things had gone wrong. I'm reminded of the pirate situation awhile back, when he authorized the assassination of the hostage-taking pirates halfway around the world and then gave a press conference where he said "Yes, I authorized that. Buh-bye now." I don't recall in my lifetime a president using our military so effectively and nonchalantly efficiently. He trusts what they can do and really only acknowledges his position in passing when he talks about what they did. I continue to be impressed. Maybe he's not the perfect walking-on-water president we might like, but he's damn good. Easily the best of my adult life.
One of the clues that led to the identification of this "palace" as Osama's hiding place was that it was a million+ dollar home with 12 foot high walls and no internet or phone lines. Welcome to the 21st century...NOT being connected is more suspicious than being online. In Pakistan.
Obama is a badass. He completely put his presidency on the line with this. Authorizing ground forces to go into a friendly country (even with Pakistan's permission) could have destroyed his administration if things had gone wrong. I'm reminded of the pirate situation awhile back, when he authorized the assassination of the hostage-taking pirates halfway around the world and then gave a press conference where he said "Yes, I authorized that. Buh-bye now." I don't recall in my lifetime a president using our military so effectively and nonchalantly efficiently. He trusts what they can do and really only acknowledges his position in passing when he talks about what they did. I continue to be impressed. Maybe he's not the perfect walking-on-water president we might like, but he's damn good. Easily the best of my adult life.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Grey's Anatomy tackles Clinical Trials?!
I came in here to vent. Hailey is watching last week's episode of Grey's Anatomy in the living room and I was having a hard time biting my tongue any more, so here I rant.
Normally Grey's is an OK show. Not what I'd choose to watch in my own time, but an acceptable "sure dear, we can watch that" sort of show. This season the Patrick Dempsey doctor guy is doing a Clinical Trial looking at an Alzheimer's medication. Great! Public exposure for clinical research is a great thing. We currently have several clinical trials for Alzheimer's meds, so I spend a good portion of every work week in this world. But boo to this episode.
So they have a guy on the table and it's time to "Randomize" the patient. This involves opening an envelope which says "He gets Placebo," pulling out a syringe labeled "Saline" and administering the treatment. Um, no? Why isn't this double blind? Why does the injecting and evaluating physician know what the treatment is? Oh, right, because later it's dramatic if a grieving wife can plead with the assistant to swap the medication if her husband is assigned to the placebo group. No. Just No. Randomization. Blinded trials. Important, no?
They spend a bit of time on the placebo effect, also good if not totally twisted. Dr. Dempsey (I don't know the character's name, whatever) even goes so far as to tell his helper dude that he should be encouraging! He should be more positive about the trial because that will lead to better outcomes if the caregiver thinks it will work! Helper dude is trying to give a realistic assessment of the potential benefit of this new med and he's shut down and told to be more positive! Um, ethics much? You don't enroll someone in a trial with unreasonable expectations.
A more minor quibble is that they don't talk at all about how the endpoints will be measured. Sure they're surgeons, but the amount of cognitive testing that goes into efficacy assessments in real life is totally ignored. I guess that's not good TV.
Grrr.
Normally Grey's is an OK show. Not what I'd choose to watch in my own time, but an acceptable "sure dear, we can watch that" sort of show. This season the Patrick Dempsey doctor guy is doing a Clinical Trial looking at an Alzheimer's medication. Great! Public exposure for clinical research is a great thing. We currently have several clinical trials for Alzheimer's meds, so I spend a good portion of every work week in this world. But boo to this episode.
So they have a guy on the table and it's time to "Randomize" the patient. This involves opening an envelope which says "He gets Placebo," pulling out a syringe labeled "Saline" and administering the treatment. Um, no? Why isn't this double blind? Why does the injecting and evaluating physician know what the treatment is? Oh, right, because later it's dramatic if a grieving wife can plead with the assistant to swap the medication if her husband is assigned to the placebo group. No. Just No. Randomization. Blinded trials. Important, no?
They spend a bit of time on the placebo effect, also good if not totally twisted. Dr. Dempsey (I don't know the character's name, whatever) even goes so far as to tell his helper dude that he should be encouraging! He should be more positive about the trial because that will lead to better outcomes if the caregiver thinks it will work! Helper dude is trying to give a realistic assessment of the potential benefit of this new med and he's shut down and told to be more positive! Um, ethics much? You don't enroll someone in a trial with unreasonable expectations.
A more minor quibble is that they don't talk at all about how the endpoints will be measured. Sure they're surgeons, but the amount of cognitive testing that goes into efficacy assessments in real life is totally ignored. I guess that's not good TV.
Grrr.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Stuff to do, stuff to do...
Now that I live with Hailey I have a whole new house to subject to my home-improving ways. Of course we're working on paying for a wedding too, so the funds are maybe not what they could be, but there's always stuff to do.
Saturday I need to fix the drywall in the office. My dog, in his persistent gigantitude, kind of fell through the wall when trying to bolt out the door to explore a noise in the kitchen on Christmas. Oops. He's really just trying to help me learn a new skill, I'm sure of it. (Another new skill learned due to Obi's direction...how to apologize to my fiance for a nipped finger due to over-exuberant treat-taking...)
After that I get to build shelves in the guest bedroom, then...we'll see. Hardwood floors are somewhere in the future, but then so's a honeymoon. Hmmm...
Saturday I need to fix the drywall in the office. My dog, in his persistent gigantitude, kind of fell through the wall when trying to bolt out the door to explore a noise in the kitchen on Christmas. Oops. He's really just trying to help me learn a new skill, I'm sure of it. (Another new skill learned due to Obi's direction...how to apologize to my fiance for a nipped finger due to over-exuberant treat-taking...)
After that I get to build shelves in the guest bedroom, then...we'll see. Hardwood floors are somewhere in the future, but then so's a honeymoon. Hmmm...
Thursday, January 13, 2011
The engagement story
Hailey has gotten to tell this story many times, so I thought I'd share my version for posterity.
We've been talking about marriage for awhile. We'd been looking at rings together and then Hailey had the audacity to guess, to my face, the date on which I was going to propose. I had a choice at that point: I could just suck it up and acknowledge that she tends to be right about most things (which would also make the whole proposal entirely predictable) or I could move the date. Pushing it back just seemed cruel (to both of us), so I had to move it forward.
The plan all along was pretty normal: dinner at the sushi restaurant where we had our 1st date, with a proposal half a block away under a tree where we chatted for an hour on that same date. Then a friend of a friend had a spectacular idea; why not do all that and then *NOT* propose! Do the date, go through the whole thing...but then don't do it until breakfast the next morning to retain the surprise factor.
This seemed like a brilliant idea the more I thought about it. Not only because I might achieve some element of surprise, but because breakfast is completely Hailey's thing. Since dating she has introduced me to all of the most delicious brunch places in Denver and I've eaten more breakfasts in the last 7 months than in the prior 5 years combined, thanks to her influence. We'd already discussed having brunch food for our wedding reception, so asking her to marry me over breakfast seemed like the perfect thing.
So last Friday the plan was set in motion. I watched Katie until 5:15 as usual, then stopped to get a dozen roses on the way back to Hailey's. I got back to her place with the roses (and a snowman cookie jar that was a post-Xmas gift), we went out to Sushi Hai in Highlands, walked by the tree where I was going to ask, and came home. We watched some Netflixed Dexter and then went to bed.
This is where I had not thought my plan through. It turns out that building up expectation and then not following through provokes some anxiety. Also, oddly enough, planning on proposing 1st thing in the morning when you wake up does not make for a restful slumber. As a result Hailey and I got almost no sleep Friday night. By 5:30 AM Hailey was ready to give up on sleep and I was ready to get up and get breakfast made so that I could finally give her the ring I'd purchased the weekend before.
And that's what happened. We got up, I made breakfast, and once she was through eating I asked her to marry me. She said yes, there were tears...and then the phone calls started. First her mom, then East Coast friends (it was early!), then everyone else. I think Hailey spent 75% of Saturday on the phone, and about 80% of the day staring at her ring. I guess that means I did good :-)
Wedding planning has now started officially...the contract for the reception location was signed today and I think we've found a location for the ceremony as well. It's still a long way off, but it's nice to be this excited and hopeful about the future.
We've been talking about marriage for awhile. We'd been looking at rings together and then Hailey had the audacity to guess, to my face, the date on which I was going to propose. I had a choice at that point: I could just suck it up and acknowledge that she tends to be right about most things (which would also make the whole proposal entirely predictable) or I could move the date. Pushing it back just seemed cruel (to both of us), so I had to move it forward.
The plan all along was pretty normal: dinner at the sushi restaurant where we had our 1st date, with a proposal half a block away under a tree where we chatted for an hour on that same date. Then a friend of a friend had a spectacular idea; why not do all that and then *NOT* propose! Do the date, go through the whole thing...but then don't do it until breakfast the next morning to retain the surprise factor.
This seemed like a brilliant idea the more I thought about it. Not only because I might achieve some element of surprise, but because breakfast is completely Hailey's thing. Since dating she has introduced me to all of the most delicious brunch places in Denver and I've eaten more breakfasts in the last 7 months than in the prior 5 years combined, thanks to her influence. We'd already discussed having brunch food for our wedding reception, so asking her to marry me over breakfast seemed like the perfect thing.
So last Friday the plan was set in motion. I watched Katie until 5:15 as usual, then stopped to get a dozen roses on the way back to Hailey's. I got back to her place with the roses (and a snowman cookie jar that was a post-Xmas gift), we went out to Sushi Hai in Highlands, walked by the tree where I was going to ask, and came home. We watched some Netflixed Dexter and then went to bed.
This is where I had not thought my plan through. It turns out that building up expectation and then not following through provokes some anxiety. Also, oddly enough, planning on proposing 1st thing in the morning when you wake up does not make for a restful slumber. As a result Hailey and I got almost no sleep Friday night. By 5:30 AM Hailey was ready to give up on sleep and I was ready to get up and get breakfast made so that I could finally give her the ring I'd purchased the weekend before.
And that's what happened. We got up, I made breakfast, and once she was through eating I asked her to marry me. She said yes, there were tears...and then the phone calls started. First her mom, then East Coast friends (it was early!), then everyone else. I think Hailey spent 75% of Saturday on the phone, and about 80% of the day staring at her ring. I guess that means I did good :-)
Wedding planning has now started officially...the contract for the reception location was signed today and I think we've found a location for the ceremony as well. It's still a long way off, but it's nice to be this excited and hopeful about the future.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Engaged!
What to say here...I'm happy. Hailey is awesome and I asked her to marry me on Saturday. She said yes, which wasn't too suspenseful since we'd been ring shopping and such.
Logistically...I'm moving in and we're going to actually tie the knot on 3/17/12. It's St. Patrick's Day, which makes for a fun anniversary, and it's coincidentally the birthday of one William Patrick Corgan who keeps showing up at significant points in my life.
Between now and the big day there's a lot of planning to be done, a lot of living to do, a lot of happiness ahead. I'm doing this one right...I've managed to land a great girl, we're going to do this right and start our life together the old fashioned way (aside from the whole "yeah, we're living together now" thing...)
Logistically...I'm moving in and we're going to actually tie the knot on 3/17/12. It's St. Patrick's Day, which makes for a fun anniversary, and it's coincidentally the birthday of one William Patrick Corgan who keeps showing up at significant points in my life.
Between now and the big day there's a lot of planning to be done, a lot of living to do, a lot of happiness ahead. I'm doing this one right...I've managed to land a great girl, we're going to do this right and start our life together the old fashioned way (aside from the whole "yeah, we're living together now" thing...)
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
H.E.Y.
This is an idea that's been kicking around in my head for awhile.
Every religion has a version of "The Golden Rule." There's a nice compilation of passages illustrating this here. For further advice on how to behave, some turn to the WWJD sort of idea. Spinoffs include Batman, Chuck Norris, Pacman...and many more. There's this underlying idea that we need to ask ourselves what someone else would do in a similar situation.
What if we flipped it? Instead of playing the hypothetical "what if that person was in my situation," why not "what if everyone else in the world were in my situation?" What if everyone on the planet behaved *just like me*? It seems this would be a quick shortcut to a better planet. What if everyone lived within their means? What if everyone spent too much? What if everyone was dedicated to being a good spouse and parent? What if everyone was a backstabbing bastard? What if everyone dropped out of high school, pursued an education, failed to pick up after their dog, or treated the waitress with respect? How would the world look if you extrapolated your actions?
The planet should try this. I should write a self-help book. I'd call it "HEY! (Hold on...Extrapolate Yourself)" Or maybe this should be an Ignite topic. Hmmmm...
Every religion has a version of "The Golden Rule." There's a nice compilation of passages illustrating this here. For further advice on how to behave, some turn to the WWJD sort of idea. Spinoffs include Batman, Chuck Norris, Pacman...and many more. There's this underlying idea that we need to ask ourselves what someone else would do in a similar situation.
What if we flipped it? Instead of playing the hypothetical "what if that person was in my situation," why not "what if everyone else in the world were in my situation?" What if everyone on the planet behaved *just like me*? It seems this would be a quick shortcut to a better planet. What if everyone lived within their means? What if everyone spent too much? What if everyone was dedicated to being a good spouse and parent? What if everyone was a backstabbing bastard? What if everyone dropped out of high school, pursued an education, failed to pick up after their dog, or treated the waitress with respect? How would the world look if you extrapolated your actions?
The planet should try this. I should write a self-help book. I'd call it "HEY! (Hold on...Extrapolate Yourself)" Or maybe this should be an Ignite topic. Hmmmm...
Sunday, January 2, 2011
It's.....Alive!! (?)
Hi blog. I'm sorry I've neglected you.
Obi has officially moved in with Hailey. Being indoors with my dad's allergies doesn't work as well when the house is closed up for the winter, and Obi seems to enjoy the company of Roxy and the cats, so he has moved. My computer has also wandered to Hailey's...her brother needed a computer, so she loaned him her laptop and I filled the gap with my computer (leaving only 5 computers at my parent's house).
My (our) new hobby is brewing our own beer. Turns out it's pretty simple and quite fun. We've had 4 excellent batches so far, with a 5th currently sitting the carboy working on the secondary fermentation. So far we've done a chocolate honey porter (K1ng St Porter), a hefeweizen (Home Front Hefeweizen- brewed while Hailey was in Germany), and 2 batches of a spiced Christmasy beer (Liquid Cheer). The new batch is a Java Stout we're calling Daydrinker. It will be ready to bottle in a week, and we'll put some in the new Tap-A-Draft system I got for Xmas :-D
What else...still gainfully employed, still love what I do, looking forward to a year full of happinesses yet to be discovered. 2010 taught me a lot about myself, and a fair amount about other people. 2011 is going to be that much better because of where I've been and what I'm moving towards.
Obi has officially moved in with Hailey. Being indoors with my dad's allergies doesn't work as well when the house is closed up for the winter, and Obi seems to enjoy the company of Roxy and the cats, so he has moved. My computer has also wandered to Hailey's...her brother needed a computer, so she loaned him her laptop and I filled the gap with my computer (leaving only 5 computers at my parent's house).
My (our) new hobby is brewing our own beer. Turns out it's pretty simple and quite fun. We've had 4 excellent batches so far, with a 5th currently sitting the carboy working on the secondary fermentation. So far we've done a chocolate honey porter (K1ng St Porter), a hefeweizen (Home Front Hefeweizen- brewed while Hailey was in Germany), and 2 batches of a spiced Christmasy beer (Liquid Cheer). The new batch is a Java Stout we're calling Daydrinker. It will be ready to bottle in a week, and we'll put some in the new Tap-A-Draft system I got for Xmas :-D
What else...still gainfully employed, still love what I do, looking forward to a year full of happinesses yet to be discovered. 2010 taught me a lot about myself, and a fair amount about other people. 2011 is going to be that much better because of where I've been and what I'm moving towards.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
This bagel was made in New York City!
Posting from NYC. Currently waiting for Jennifer & Paul to get here from Rhode Island to hang out for the day, so I'm sitting in a bagel shop on Broadway killing time while Hailey is out at brunch with an old friend.
Once again this blog has been neglected in favor of things that involve not being at the computer as much. I'm reminded of what Lewis Black said: "If you're twittering about it, you're not actually doing it." The Doing of Things continues to fill my life.
So I'm in NYC, saw the Gorillaz show (amazing), did lunch in Google HQ with Hailey's friend Suzanne (neat!), Brooklyn brunch and Botanical Gardens with my sister and Matthew yesterday (quite nice), and wandered the city with Hailey (adjectival modification would seem inadequate). We're staying in a hostel (Hostel Fresh) which requires a post all its own. Hope I don't forget to do that.
Off to explore more now. Jennifer & Paul will be here in 30 min, then meeting up with Hailey again in a couple hours. Life is good :-D
Once again this blog has been neglected in favor of things that involve not being at the computer as much. I'm reminded of what Lewis Black said: "If you're twittering about it, you're not actually doing it." The Doing of Things continues to fill my life.
So I'm in NYC, saw the Gorillaz show (amazing), did lunch in Google HQ with Hailey's friend Suzanne (neat!), Brooklyn brunch and Botanical Gardens with my sister and Matthew yesterday (quite nice), and wandered the city with Hailey (adjectival modification would seem inadequate). We're staying in a hostel (Hostel Fresh) which requires a post all its own. Hope I don't forget to do that.
Off to explore more now. Jennifer & Paul will be here in 30 min, then meeting up with Hailey again in a couple hours. Life is good :-D
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Goings on
Wow, I've skipped 2 entire months this year. Is the blog dying? I don't know. It's odd that just a few posts ago I was still (legally) married. Craziness.
Now there's Hailey. The crypticness from the last update has a name and she is...we'll say awesome and leave it at that. We'll see where this goes, but we've already made plans for the holidays...I'm meeting her parents over Thanksgiving. In related news I am no longer looking for a house. See, that's what happens when I never update. Of course to update I need to be in front of a computer that's not at work and that hasn't happened much lately either.
Obi lives with me at my parents' house pretty much permanently now. He's getting walked daily, something Steph and the kids didn't have time for, and pretty happy about it. He's still sitting at 110 lbs, but hopefully getting in shape. He still looks big next to Hailey's 80 lb doggy Roxy. Almost 200 lbs of dog (plus 2 cats) is a lot for one house, but we manage when Obi's over there! Obi is learning about cats and so far he's really just curious. His body awareness is an issue when he steps on a cat tail, but we'll work on that. In the meantime he is serving as a goodwill ambassador for dogginess and I think he's convinced my parents that they need one when we move out.
Additional fun stuff in the future...The Smashing Pumpkins Sept 18, Muse Oct 2, then Gorillaz at Madison Square Garden Oct 8. Oh hell yeah.
Now there's Hailey. The crypticness from the last update has a name and she is...we'll say awesome and leave it at that. We'll see where this goes, but we've already made plans for the holidays...I'm meeting her parents over Thanksgiving. In related news I am no longer looking for a house. See, that's what happens when I never update. Of course to update I need to be in front of a computer that's not at work and that hasn't happened much lately either.
Obi lives with me at my parents' house pretty much permanently now. He's getting walked daily, something Steph and the kids didn't have time for, and pretty happy about it. He's still sitting at 110 lbs, but hopefully getting in shape. He still looks big next to Hailey's 80 lb doggy Roxy. Almost 200 lbs of dog (plus 2 cats) is a lot for one house, but we manage when Obi's over there! Obi is learning about cats and so far he's really just curious. His body awareness is an issue when he steps on a cat tail, but we'll work on that. In the meantime he is serving as a goodwill ambassador for dogginess and I think he's convinced my parents that they need one when we move out.
Additional fun stuff in the future...The Smashing Pumpkins Sept 18, Muse Oct 2, then Gorillaz at Madison Square Garden Oct 8. Oh hell yeah.
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